NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 21, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it
goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites
being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents.
Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I
practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent
cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 21 week old
baking in the oven! :) The purpose of this blog then is just to simply
share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and
happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our
journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.
OH! The regular week by week pregnancy guide I'm following just told me that most of the early pregnancy woes are gone and I should be feeling pretty relaxed and wonderful now! And the only thing I would probably worry about now is ACNE!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! Ok... yes I do notice how my scalp gets oilier than usual (but I can't be washing my hair everyday due to bedrest constraints, can I?) and acne is suddenly popping up on my forehead and my face like a teenager (not that I used to have acne problems in my teenage years) but that is the LEAST of my concerns!!! And oh... we are supposed to 'crave sex' around this time, as we no longer suffer the nausea of 1st trimester and yet we are not exactly a hippo of 3rd trimester yet, hence the biggest question in our heads is supposed to be... which position is most suitable? Hm.... THIS IS THE EXACT REASON WHY I DECIDED TO WRITE THIS SERIES OF BLOG FOR IC MOMMIES EXCLUSIVELY!!!
Ok, sex is out. In fact, some of us are told that all pelvic activities are out, in other words, not only no sexual intercourse, but no orgasms as well, not even sexual arousal! Frankly, some of us may feel rather comfortable with the TAC or the TVC in, and many doctors may allow us to resume our 'normal activities', and true enough, with the additional blood flow to our genitals we may feel like we are in a perpetual state of arousal. So I have observed that many women did go ahead to have sexual intercourse, some resort to 'just insertion of the tip of the penis', while others are just happy with heavy petting with dear hubby without actual intercourse.
This subject is not very much discussed, and I even came across a forum where one IC mommy asked the question and was bombarded with hurtful accusations, some even abusive about how could she worry about something as trivial as sex when her own baby's life is at stake? I'm not going to be judgmental here, but a lot of these angry mommies are mommies with preemies and mommies who had actually lost their babies due to IC, so I can understand the fury. But on the other hand, how many of us have not actually thought of sex just because there is a cerclage within us? How many of us have not actually scoured the internet for answers to this so called taboo question? How many of us have not actually went to sleep exhausted only to be awakened rudely by an intense but involuntary orgasm following a very intense wet dream?
This is a very difficult situation isn't it? I guess I was lucky as my husband never brought up the subject, and he never demanded for anything unless I was feeling up to it and he settled for a handjob, or oral sex (you on him, not vice versa, you don't want to risk any infection!) To be sure, you may ask your doctor and discuss this topic, but again, how many of us would actually do that without some degree of embarassment? So we scour the internet for answers, and while most sites will tell you to abstain, discussions by real moms in real forums will tell you very different answers. Yes, ask 10 different moms and you will get 10 very different answers. Towards the end of the day, you decide. And perhaps these are some questions you can ask yourself before making that decision :
1) How was your last visit to the doctor? Did he mention your cerclage is holding well and your cervix length is fantastic and there is almost no funnelling?
2) Was it a TAC or a TVC? If it was a TVC, was it a preventive one or an emergency one after you have already started to dilate/funnel? Is this your first TVC? Were there any scar tissues from previous TVCS? What was the condition of your cervix?
3) Since your cerclage, were there any complications? Any bleeding after the week of the cerclage placement? Any twinges and cramps and pains? Any further funnelling? What about contractions - is your uterus more irritable than ever? What about discharge?
4) Do you understand the biology of what happens during sexual activities? There will be uterine contractions, your cervix may ripen and funnel further, and prostaglandins in semen may trigger premature labour. There is a reason why some old wives' tale tell you to have a lot of sex after your due date and your baby isn't coming yet!
5) Are you feeling comfortable, physically and emotionally to go ahead with it?
6) If you are reading this at Week 21, your baby is not viable yet. Are you willing to lose the baby should your sexual activities bring about premature labour? If you are reading this even after baby is past its viability, are you financially and emotionally equipped to look after a premature baby who may end up in the NICU for weeks, maybe months? What if the premature baby suffers some permanent disability? Is it all worth it?
Does giving in to a moment's temptation worth it? Do the benefits actually outweigh the risks? Always remember, every pregnancy is different, and so every incompetent cervix pregnancy is different. Even if you have gotten away with daily sex with the previous cerclage, will this time around be as lucky?
Let us ponder about this a moment this week. For there are still at least 16 more weeks to come. If you think about it, 16 weeks isn't that long. 16 weeks ago, you have just found out that you were pregnant. Not that long ago, eh? :)
NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 19, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it
goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites
being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents.
Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I
practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent
cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 20 week old
baking in the oven! :) The purpose of this blog then is just to simply
share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and
happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our
journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.
We are almost halfway there. If you are reading this because you have been googling the internet after you have just been diagnosed with incompetent cervix, then you are at the right place. I just pray and hope from the bottom of my heart that you have not lost your baby, but you have just had your cerclage placement, and you are either bedresting at home or at the hospital. You may want to read this series of my blogs from the beginning, as I document what to expect, physically and emotionally, in this journey of an IC mommy.
Some of you may have been following through this journey as a 2nd time IC mommy (I'm a 3rd time IC mommy myself), so we know exactly what is coming ahead of us. Well... do we, really? Every pregnancy is different, and every IC pregnancy is different. Other websites will tell you that Week 19 is really a good week to travel, have that 'babymoon', because once a new baby comes along you won't have that luxury anymore. Well, what babymoon? We can't so much as walk to the bathroom for a simple toilet trip without worrying that our cerclage may give way there and then! Ok, so for those of you who had a preventive cerclage, you are probably in your 2nd month of bedrest. Our emotional wellbeing aside, we are probably noticing some changes in our body, particularly where the stitch is. A lot of discharge? Twinges? How does a cerclage look like in a first place and how much trust should we put in it?
There are several types of cerclages, but I am not about to discuss the technicalities and medical aspect of that here as I am no doctor. But what I do know is the cerclage gave me my 2 boys (I almost lost my 6 year old at 23w4d but for an emergent cerclage, and I had a preventive cerclage at Week 15 with my 2 year old. I carried both till fullterm, both cerclages removed at Week 37. Currently I am pregnant with No.3 (a little girl at last!) and had a cerclage placed at Week 14. I was told that I was already funnelling (read more about funnelling on Week 18) and there are scar tissues on my cervix due to previous cerclages, but so far, the cerclage is holding up. That doesn't mean I have never worried, or I am not worrying. With the progesterone vaginal suppositories, there is a lot of watery discharge, and being an IC mom, the main worry is always the leaking of our waterbag. So what is this discharge? Why is there so much discharge? Well, I am going to give a few explanation, but remember, if it really troubles you or your gut instinct is telling you to go to the ER... PLEASE GO.
Otherwise, here may be some reasons why there is so much discharge (speaking from my experience and observation of others with the same condition):
1) There IS a foreign object in there namely the cerclage, it's nature's way to flush out any foreign objects for the safety of the pregnancy (but don't worry, it's not going to flush out your cerclage
2) If you are on vaginal suppositories, again these little pills are foreign objects, and if you do a quick google search now, you will see all these websites will tell you that it is normal to have vaginal discharge as one of the side effects of the vaginal suppositories. I have spoken to my doctor as well and he did say it's normal but if it is troubling me (well, I was so troubled for weeks I did not get a good sleep as I was checking and checking whether the discharge would suddenly be a gush of water) then perhaps I should swallow it instead of inserting it (I was on Utrogestan, one of those you can take orally, so before you down any of your vaginal suppositories please speak to your OBGYN)
3) You may have an infection. How do you know what's the difference then? Well, this discharge is probably yellow or green, or whitish (not clear) and it SMELLS. This one calls for the ER as I was told by my doctor that if we have an infection, our body will release prostaglandins, the same hormones which will accompany our onset of labour.
4) Very unlikely, but yes, you may be leaking amniotic fluid (your waterbag is leaking) and of course this is serious!!!! Like I said earlier, if you are gushing water or you have changed a few soaked pads (not the pantiliners, but the thick sanitary pads) then go to the ER!!!
5) Or finally... relax. Ask ANY pregnant women, even those with normal healthy no risk pregnancies... they will tell you they have discharge as well. This is for the same reason as No.1 - it's our bodies flushing out anything which it thinks harmful for the pregnancy, so the discharge is actually good for us!
I hope this week's blog allay some of your discharge fears. At the same time, remember to eat well, swallow those prenatal vitamins and enjoy your baby. Yes, especially those little movements which are reminding you that she/he is in there waiting to snuggle in your arms :)
NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 5, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it
goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites
being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents.
Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I
practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent
cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 16 week old
baking in the oven! :) The purpose of this blog then is just to simply
share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and
happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our
journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.
By this week, your pregnancy test would probably show an accurate positive. YAYYY!!!!
If you have been trying for a baby forever, or if you have just experienced a traumatic loss (be it due to incompetent cervix or other reasons) this may come as a wonderful news. I have shared how different it is my feelings towards having a positive on my home pregnancy test kit. (Read Week 4 here). To share further about the anxieties when No. 3 made an unexpected appearance, well... it was an immediate joy. I have always wanted 7 children. But due to the darned cervix I knew it was not a very practical want. Hubby was adamant that 2 beautiful healthy boys was enough. Our financial situation was just getting better as I have my own law practice and each time I had to bedrest for long months, the income just wasn't there anymore. When you are your own boss, you just don't earn when you are not working. With No. 2, the bedrest was longer as I was put on bedrest since Week 15, the week the cerclage was placed. And when I was 5 months along, still bedresting, hubby lost his job. It was an extremely tough time. So naturally I understand why hubby was so reluctant to have another baby, even with a now stable income and in fact a new home!
But I would give up any material things in the world for another baby in my arms! So I was elated... but breaking the news to hubby was one of the most unnerving thing to do. I went to the OBGYN the next day(who happens to be hubby's childhood friend and bestfriend) to confirm the pregnancy. And he wished me luck with breaking the news to hubby. He actually found it amusing! :) That night, I was shivering and shaking all over when I gave the ultrasound picture to hubby. He stared at it for a second and asked me what it was. I told him "Our baby". He took another look at it and asked me "Is this real?" I said yes. He stared at it EXPRESSIONLESS for a good 5 minutes without a single word. His facial countenance revealed NOTHING. Then he took a deep breath and asked, "So when is it due? When is the cerclage? You do need a cerclage right?"
It wasn't easy and I am writing this at 16 weeks, sometimes I still get the feeling that he hasn't come to terms with it yet. And sometimes he does blurt out "This is the EXACT reason why I didn't want a third one," whenever I had a bad day, or sometimes he would jest (and it's not funny I tell you) "That's why we shouldn't have a 3rd one" when we discussed our state of celibacy.
Speaking of which, if some of you think that it's time to be having lots of sex now since you would be on pelvic rest till fullterm, do consider the fact that your cervix may already be funnelling, effacing, or even dilating at this point. Very unlikely but don't take any chances. If it is already shortening or dilating, there may be risk of infection (the very reason the cervix is there is to protect your pregnancy from infection but if it's already giving way, then....) Best check with your OBGYN. This is no time to be bashful.
I am going to sound like an old broken record the next few weeks, but EAT HEALTHY!!! FOLIC ACID!!!
And oh, you may or may not want to share this piece of good news to others yet. The risk of a miscarriage is still high (not due to IC but due to other early pregnancy losses issues) and if you are like me and you have had enough of those well meaning (and not so well meaning) people telling you rudely to 'keep your legs closed' and 'stop having kids' and 'you can't even handle 2 you sure you want another?', then you may want to just enjoy this little secret with the closest and trusted friends and family first. For me, the last count of such close and trusted friends was less than 5 fingers.
Ok, let's get ready for next week!
