Just a mom.
Exactly.
That is all that I want to do. That is all that I want to be.
It didn't start out this way. I had big dreams. My dad had big dreams for me. My school teachers had big dreams for me. My law school lecturers had big dreams for me.
All of it ended the day I became a mom. But financial situation forced me to continue being stuck in the one profession I know I HATE MOST. It can drive you crazy, if not to suicidal tendencies. I look at the young academically gifted school leavers whom parents decide they should study law with utter pity. They have no idea what they are getting themselves into. Many assumed I'm doing poorly in my career. Others assumed I'm going nowhere. Why would a lawyer with a good and steady income want anything else?
I became mom the 2nd time 2 and a half years ago. I took a huge step of being a fulltime mom and a parttime lawyer. This is the time when I realised how much I love being a mom! It is tiring. You juggle endless researches court attendances and drafting of court documents and ferrying the kids, cooking for them, cleaning and feeding them, seeing to their schoolwork, loving and playing with them, and then there left little if none, doubt about perhaps switching careers. To be a full time mom. Yes, to be a just a mom. The toughest, most financially unrewarding and mind boggling career ever created for womankind, but the ONE which is truly emotionally rewarding. One which I will wake up at 3am any day, to see to. One which I will not even remember what a holiday is. One which I will tear my hair out and perhaps suffer little minor heart attacks daily, but which I will still feel a lump in my throat each time the little ones put their little arms around my neck and say "MOMMY I LOVE YOU".
Some months back, I found out that I'm gonna be a mommy again. This little surprise bundle of joy has finally placed the final proverbial nail in the coffin. How would I not want to be just a mom with 3 pair of little hands around me each day and night? Why would I want to still go through the suffering of arguing with mindless, heartless, cold and calculative people? I do not need a new car or a bigger house. I don't even need to dine out anymore if I'm cooking at home! And oh, I definitely do not need more H&M or Debenhams or Sephora or Vincci if I'm just gonna be wearing Tesco RM2.90 slippers and Tesco RM10 Tshirts daily to carry out my duties as a mom. Yes, a mom.
Everything can wait. Being a mom can't. They will grow up.
Oh yes, I'm looking forward to being just a mom.
It's the most fantastic decision I have ever made in my life. Now let's just see if hubby buys that.
Wish me luck!
