WEEK 20 : Week by Week Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Guide - OF REAL FRIENDS AND FAIR WEATHERED ONES

NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 20, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents. Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 20 week old baking in the oven! :)  The purpose of this blog then is just to simply share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.

  WE ARE halfway there! Well, MORE than halfway if we are targetting 37 weeks (where our babies are no longer considered preterm), or better yet (for those of you who are taking it milestone per milestone), we are 4 weeks away from viability!

Exciting as it is, I am sure we are all feeling the same way... that we are NOT THERE until we have a healthy fullterm baby in our arms.  Just that thought is enough to doom our day to another bout of depression.  After all, we have seen that little baby on the ultrasound, sucking her thumb, yawning even, and we even know whether it's a girl or a boy already! Plus those kicks which remind you ever so often throughout the day that he/she is IN there.  But we are not out of the danger zone yet.  Physically, there may be a lot going on (read Week 19 here on vaginal discharge) but emotionally, there is even more to it... simply because nobody around us seems to understand.

We get questions like... "So are you better now?"

Better? What do you mean better? You mean like those people who went in for a heart surgery or a kneecap replacement and now after 6 weeks they are feeling better?  When does it ever get better with a cerclage placement? It doesn't get better!!!! Yes, you just want to shout back at that well meaning person who just asked isn't it?  Baby is getting heavier, putting more pressure on the cerclage. HOW IS THAT BETTER?!!!  The bedrest has stretched to its 6th week now, we are not sure if our bosses are gonna take this any longer, not to mention our bank accounts, how is that better?! We have not carried our toddlers for weeks now, nor have we gone out to have a decent meal, or to shop for Christmas, and we worry every single minute of the day whether the darned stitch would hold up... how is that better?!!! Gosh, don't these people know that it will only be 'better' once our healthy babies are in our arms?!!! Well... they don't. So cut them some slack. Explain to them if you have to, that it doesn't get better. Or ignore them. I hear you. Because I am going through the same thing.

In fact, those well meaning friends are getting fewer by the day, so do treasure those who are still around.  When you have just been freshly discharged from the hospital after the cerclage placement, there were probably so many visitors to the point where you had to stop them from coming as you needed your rest.  Then they trickled down to a few goodfriends and some family members.  And then suddenly on a Saturday evening... you find yourself very much alone.  Perhaps with only dear hubby (please appreciate him, this is the time to do so because he is the only one who is still around to see to your needs, your other children's needs, and put up with your pregnant tantrums!) and your older kids (every now and then, explain to them your situation, and reassure them that you still love them very much, and read to them and play 'I spy with my eye' games as often as possible, plus lots of hugs and kisses!).

This is a fantastic opportunity to also find out who your true friends really are.  They are the ones who will listen to your endless lamentations of having to lie down on your back daily watching tv and update your facebook every 15 minutes and not flinch (I mean, for those who have never bedrested in their lives, what would they give to be in your shoes!!!).  They are also the ones who will bring every meal to you, and wash up after you finish your meals (for me, it's mom in law, who not only brings me delicious healthy home cooked food everyday, but washes up after that, see to my kids and my husband - of course it doesn't hurt that he is mama's boy :) and she does my laundry too!).  I have 600+ 'friends' on my Facebook account, but when  I posted up few days ago about how I wish I had more visitors, only 2 friends (note : Not family nor relatives, but friends) privately messaged me asking me if I'm ok and that they will visit again soon.  Well... perhaps this is one of the blessings of the incompetent cervix.  It's a natural filter for who you want in your life and who don't truly need.  

But HEY! Keep your head up! Perhaps the rest just missed my post, or they have other things to do in their lives! I mean, who are we to judge what people do in their lives?  After all, in a while I will have 3 kids all below the age of 7, would I actually visit a pregnant woman on bedrest to do her laundry? Don't I have enough laundry and dirty nappies to wash? Maybe we just feel neglected and lonely once in a while... my point is... you are not alone if you are feeling like that. Like... you know... a total Bxxxx... Coz I was feeling that way just a few days ago. :)