In our condition, there are good days and there are bad days. If you are bedresting and your normal pre-pregnancy daily life involves juggling a high flying career, a toddler and a preschooler and kickboxing classes plus various church activities, you are probably feeling... LAME. Useless. Restless. Let me give you a non-exhaustive list of why we are feeling down in the dumps :
1) We ARE pregnant, our hormones are just not right to begin with.
2) Our pregnancy is considered high risk - which high risk pregnancy doesn't cause a mommy to be anxious and depressed? Especially so if we have lost our babies because of this condition in the first place.
3) We are most likely than not on some progesterone supplements, which means... MORE HORMONES!
4) We are probably facing some financial setback due to the prolonged bedrest, and the costly cerclage procedure which may not be covered by insurance.
5) We are unable to carry out our daily tasks, and to watch the bathroom shower screen growing moss and the bookshelves gathering dust without being able to do anything about it (ok, we are tempted, especially on the days we feel well enough, but is the risk worth it?) is depressing.
6) Following No. 5, we are probably having little tiffs with dear hubby for not being as efficient as us (after all, we were working moms too, weren't we? How is it that we can keep the home spotlessly clean, the kids daily needs attended to yet bring home a paycheque without so much as batting an eyelid but dear hubby just can't???)
7) Speaking of hubby, we miss sex. (Read my take on this issue on Week 21)
8) We find ourselves very much alone - no amount of favourite novels, facebook chats and television is gonna replace that human camarederie. And not many of us are lucky enough to have a steady stream of friends to come visit every week (don't even bother thinking about every day).
9) At week 22, our little one has not yet reached viability. If we go into preterm labour now, or if our waterbag bursts, there is nothing much the doctors can do. In fact, some of them won't even try. We are so near, and yet so far. We have bonded with this child so as to be familiar by now with her kicks and stretches and we have seen her yawn so many times on the ultrasound... it's an extremely scary thought that anything should happen to this baby.
10) We are consumed by guilt every single day that we are unable to take our older kids to the park, or to the beach. The toddler who had just celebrated his 2nd birthday at home indoors (and not some wonderful beach picnic with lots of friends and presents because of our bedrest) just couldn't comprehend why mommy has suddenly refused to carry him or give him a bath like she used to.
If I go on with this list, I am sure it would take up the whole day. Hey, don't beat yourself up. I know, it's easier said than done. I am going through it. Of course I know. You may want to join a forum http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/bed-rest-support/ or you may want to just sit back and prayhttp://www.graceformoms.com/10-scriptures-for-fighting-fear-in-pregnancy/
At the same time, ladies... cheer up. Remember when you were funnelling right after your cerclage procedure? That seems aeons ago, ain't it? We are almost there. Perhaps go try on a nice sexy dress and put on your contact lenses and make-up... take a few selfies and enjoy that pregnancy glow everyone is talking about - It's there, believe me. Besides, when is the best time to try on that kimono top than now when you have this cleavage most 20 year olds would kill for?
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