NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 22, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it
goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites
being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents.
Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I
practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent
cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 21 week old
baking in the oven! :) The purpose of this blog then is just to simply
share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and
happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our
journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.
In our condition, there are good days and there are bad days. If you are bedresting and your normal pre-pregnancy daily life involves juggling a high flying career, a toddler and a preschooler and kickboxing classes plus various church activities, you are probably feeling... LAME. Useless. Restless. Let me give you a non-exhaustive list of why we are feeling down in the dumps :
1) We ARE pregnant, our hormones are just not right to begin with.
2) Our pregnancy is considered high risk - which high risk pregnancy doesn't cause a mommy to be anxious and depressed? Especially so if we have lost our babies because of this condition in the first place.
3) We are most likely than not on some progesterone supplements, which means... MORE HORMONES!
4) We are probably facing some financial setback due to the prolonged bedrest, and the costly cerclage procedure which may not be covered by insurance.
5) We are unable to carry out our daily tasks, and to watch the bathroom shower screen growing moss and the bookshelves gathering dust without being able to do anything about it (ok, we are tempted, especially on the days we feel well enough, but is the risk worth it?) is depressing.
6) Following No. 5, we are probably having little tiffs with dear hubby for not being as efficient as us (after all, we were working moms too, weren't we? How is it that we can keep the home spotlessly clean, the kids daily needs attended to yet bring home a paycheque without so much as batting an eyelid but dear hubby just can't???)
7) Speaking of hubby, we miss sex. (Read my take on this issue on Week 21)
8) We find ourselves very much alone - no amount of favourite novels, facebook chats and television is gonna replace that human camarederie. And not many of us are lucky enough to have a steady stream of friends to come visit every week (don't even bother thinking about every day).
9) At week 22, our little one has not yet reached viability. If we go into preterm labour now, or if our waterbag bursts, there is nothing much the doctors can do. In fact, some of them won't even try. We are so near, and yet so far. We have bonded with this child so as to be familiar by now with her kicks and stretches and we have seen her yawn so many times on the ultrasound... it's an extremely scary thought that anything should happen to this baby.
10) We are consumed by guilt every single day that we are unable to take our older kids to the park, or to the beach. The toddler who had just celebrated his 2nd birthday at home indoors (and not some wonderful beach picnic with lots of friends and presents because of our bedrest) just couldn't comprehend why mommy has suddenly refused to carry him or give him a bath like she used to.
If I go on with this list, I am sure it would take up the whole day. Hey, don't beat yourself up. I know, it's easier said than done. I am going through it. Of course I know. You may want to join a forum http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/bed-rest-support/ or you may want to just sit back and prayhttp://www.graceformoms.com/10-scriptures-for-fighting-fear-in-pregnancy/
At the same time, ladies... cheer up. Remember when you were funnelling right after your cerclage procedure? That seems aeons ago, ain't it? We are almost there. Perhaps go try on a nice sexy dress and put on your contact lenses and make-up... take a few selfies and enjoy that pregnancy glow everyone is talking about - It's there, believe me. Besides, when is the best time to try on that kimono top than now when you have this cleavage most 20 year olds would kill for?
NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 6, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it
goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites
being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents.
Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I
practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent
cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 16 week old
baking in the oven! :) The purpose of this blog then is just to simply
share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and
happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our
journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.
Your morning sickness hitting hard, ain't it? Welcome to the world of 1st trimester difficulties. As promised earlier, this series of blog is NOT meant to duplicate what the other websites are telling you, be it about your baby or the changes in your body. It is meant to share with you (and you are of course most welcome to share your experiences, joys and pains in the comment section below!) my experience , physically and emotionally (and a whole lot of other aspects) of having incompetent cervix pregnancies. Oh ya I feel obliged to mention spotting at this point and your fluctuating hormones... all part and parcel of having a little human being formed in you!
And oh, if you have been taking fertility drugs or actually had an IVF or any other fertility treatment, you may want to double check with your OBGYN whether you are expecting more than a baby. ONE baby laying down on your incompetent cervix is bad enough, if you have 2 or more, you may need extra precautions and advice. I don't know, I've never been through multiple pregnancies before! (Thank God? I don't know. If you read my previous weeks' postings, you would have known by now I adore kids).
So, are you ready to share the news to the whole world yet? (Read my take on this in Week 5 here). There are always pros and cons. If you have had an early miscarriage before, you may want to keep it to yourself first because you know how painful it is when people ask you how's your pregnancy and you had to keep repeating that you already lost it. Or you may want to keep it to yourself because you didn't think it necessary to share good news to others who may see it as a bad news. You will never believe what I've been through... when people found out I was pregnant with No. 3, instead of the customary "Congratulations" they are more concerned about whether it's safe to have No. 3, whether I'm sure I want the child (like yea.... more than I want you as a friend you idiot), whether it would affect my work, and whether my hubby 'knows it yet' (like it's akin to news that someone died). On the other hand, you may want to share it because you are just oh so happy (and of course if this is the first time you are dealing with an incompetent cervix, you probably wouldn't even know about it yet).
You may have already started calculating the date your cerclage will be placed, whether you will need bedrest, if so what sort, complete or modified, for a few days or few months, what should you tell your bosses and babysitters (to your older children, if any). For me, I know I had to tell mom in law very soon as I would need her to come over to see to the 2 older kids right after my cerclage is placed.
Emotionally, I know it was going to be difficult. I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom but due to financial constraints I had to work. No. 3 is a good excuse to finally reason with hubby that it makes some financial sense as cost of babysitting and the extra tuition and piano lessons are high. I can teach my kids. I can look after my kids. I can cook (eating out is costly too), and I can clean (hourly cleaners are costly too). But well, these are things to be considered in the weeks and months to come. It doesn't harm to start thinking about it, especially if it soothes you emotionally. For me, hanging up the courtroom robe for good and spending time cooking cleaning and caring for my kids is also known as THE PERFECT LIFE! :)
You have about 9 more weeks to go before your cerclage is placed, and depending on various factors, you may need to be on some kind of bedrest for the rest of your pregnancy, so if you feel fit enough to hit the gym, do it now. Shopping, of course. Clean up the house a bit before it looks like one of those 'before' images of the "Hoarders Intervention" reality series on Home and Health channel in the months to come (come on, even the best house cleaners teamed up with hubby will not be able to clean it the way you do!). Most of all, spend time with your kids. Take them out to the beach, maybe even a short holiday. Other websites will tell you morning sickness may weigh you down and that 2nd trimester is when your 'honeymoon period' is, well... you have an incompetent cervix and the 2nd trimester will be your worst nightmare (sorry for this piece of reality) so leave your babymoon to the 2nd trimester. You know what? You don't have time for morning sickness and complaints about breast pains at this point, you have 9 weeks left to enjoy being a normal pregnant woman!
So hang in there.
