WEEK 20 : Week by Week Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Guide - OF REAL FRIENDS AND FAIR WEATHERED ONES

NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 20, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents. Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 20 week old baking in the oven! :)  The purpose of this blog then is just to simply share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.

  WE ARE halfway there! Well, MORE than halfway if we are targetting 37 weeks (where our babies are no longer considered preterm), or better yet (for those of you who are taking it milestone per milestone), we are 4 weeks away from viability!

Exciting as it is, I am sure we are all feeling the same way... that we are NOT THERE until we have a healthy fullterm baby in our arms.  Just that thought is enough to doom our day to another bout of depression.  After all, we have seen that little baby on the ultrasound, sucking her thumb, yawning even, and we even know whether it's a girl or a boy already! Plus those kicks which remind you ever so often throughout the day that he/she is IN there.  But we are not out of the danger zone yet.  Physically, there may be a lot going on (read Week 19 here on vaginal discharge) but emotionally, there is even more to it... simply because nobody around us seems to understand.

We get questions like... "So are you better now?"

Better? What do you mean better? You mean like those people who went in for a heart surgery or a kneecap replacement and now after 6 weeks they are feeling better?  When does it ever get better with a cerclage placement? It doesn't get better!!!! Yes, you just want to shout back at that well meaning person who just asked isn't it?  Baby is getting heavier, putting more pressure on the cerclage. HOW IS THAT BETTER?!!!  The bedrest has stretched to its 6th week now, we are not sure if our bosses are gonna take this any longer, not to mention our bank accounts, how is that better?! We have not carried our toddlers for weeks now, nor have we gone out to have a decent meal, or to shop for Christmas, and we worry every single minute of the day whether the darned stitch would hold up... how is that better?!!! Gosh, don't these people know that it will only be 'better' once our healthy babies are in our arms?!!! Well... they don't. So cut them some slack. Explain to them if you have to, that it doesn't get better. Or ignore them. I hear you. Because I am going through the same thing.

In fact, those well meaning friends are getting fewer by the day, so do treasure those who are still around.  When you have just been freshly discharged from the hospital after the cerclage placement, there were probably so many visitors to the point where you had to stop them from coming as you needed your rest.  Then they trickled down to a few goodfriends and some family members.  And then suddenly on a Saturday evening... you find yourself very much alone.  Perhaps with only dear hubby (please appreciate him, this is the time to do so because he is the only one who is still around to see to your needs, your other children's needs, and put up with your pregnant tantrums!) and your older kids (every now and then, explain to them your situation, and reassure them that you still love them very much, and read to them and play 'I spy with my eye' games as often as possible, plus lots of hugs and kisses!).

This is a fantastic opportunity to also find out who your true friends really are.  They are the ones who will listen to your endless lamentations of having to lie down on your back daily watching tv and update your facebook every 15 minutes and not flinch (I mean, for those who have never bedrested in their lives, what would they give to be in your shoes!!!).  They are also the ones who will bring every meal to you, and wash up after you finish your meals (for me, it's mom in law, who not only brings me delicious healthy home cooked food everyday, but washes up after that, see to my kids and my husband - of course it doesn't hurt that he is mama's boy :) and she does my laundry too!).  I have 600+ 'friends' on my Facebook account, but when  I posted up few days ago about how I wish I had more visitors, only 2 friends (note : Not family nor relatives, but friends) privately messaged me asking me if I'm ok and that they will visit again soon.  Well... perhaps this is one of the blessings of the incompetent cervix.  It's a natural filter for who you want in your life and who don't truly need.  

But HEY! Keep your head up! Perhaps the rest just missed my post, or they have other things to do in their lives! I mean, who are we to judge what people do in their lives?  After all, in a while I will have 3 kids all below the age of 7, would I actually visit a pregnant woman on bedrest to do her laundry? Don't I have enough laundry and dirty nappies to wash? Maybe we just feel neglected and lonely once in a while... my point is... you are not alone if you are feeling like that. Like... you know... a total Bxxxx... Coz I was feeling that way just a few days ago. :) 

 

WEEK 11 : Week by Week Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Guide - FINANCES AND OTHER CONSIDERATION

NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 11, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents. Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 17 week old baking in the oven! :)  The purpose of this blog then is just to simply share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.

Heartburn, constipation, fatigue? Yea you are probably still at that stage at Week 11. The morning sickness may be waning off, but it may still be causing a lot of trouble.  My appetite was ferocious for my 1st 2 pregnancies.  With the current No.3, I have no appetite for anything other than tomyam.  It's that spicy and sour soup originated from Thailand, and there is this belief among the Chinese that sour is not good for early pregnancy? But well... eating only tomyam is better than not eating at all!

Some of us IC moms may already be preparing for our TVC. Read Week 10 here.

What all of us have to remember is of course to eat healthily.  I am not a good example, but I was still conscientiously taking my folic acid, as well as plenty of fruits to avoid constipation. As IC moms, one thing we will soon learn is that bowel movements are to be as easy as possible - bring on those prunes and bananas! Well, I developed an aversion to sweet things (I gag at the smell of sweet things) during this 3rd pregnancy so I had no choice but to buy bland fruits like guava and pour lots of salt or saltines on it.  But again, don't take my advice on food! In fact, do read some good websites on healthy food during pregnancy like this http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/eating-right-when-pregnant

 Do a final take on finances before the day. Check if your insurance covers the cerclage procedure, and whether your company allows hospitalisation benefits, and of course, the cost of the procedure.  I paid not more than RM2500 (USD750) for each of my 3 cerclages, but the cost may differ from state to state, hospital to hospital.

At Week 11 for my current pregnancy, the subchrionic hematoma had already bled out on its own, thanks to plenty of water, bedrest and prayers.  I was put on duphaston 3 times a day, and continued to do so until after my TVC.

I was still reluctant to break the news to anyone, including my own family.  Hubby decided to tell his mom, sis and bro, but that was about it. I told a handful of very close friends, but only because I needed the support emotionally.  Many thought resting in bed doing nothing is a wonderful thing, but if only they peeked at my daily calendar, they would know that REST was never on the schedule and I haven't grown accustomed to it eventhough this is the 3rd time.  I tried as much as I could to finalise my children's affairs, made plans with hubby on chauffering the kids and preparing them to school every morning.  What I do know is by the time I got my preschooler prepared to be out of the door by 8am, I was dead tired (even pre-pregnancy) but I had to continue to prepare myself for work after I drop the toddler off at the babysitter.  So we truly needed help to at least takeover that few hours in the morning from me. Mom in law is the answer, and she has been a fantastic help thus far! 

WEEK 1 : Week by Week Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Guide - ANOTHER IC BABY

NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 1, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents. Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 16 week old baking in the oven! :)  The purpose of this blog then is just to simply share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.

This is your menstruation week. The battle you had with PMS last week is finally over. You may have cramps, but well, we know what to do, don't we? 

After all, if we have been battling infertility problems (and somehow I found out that either by coincidence or by scientific reasons, those suffering from incompetent cervix tend to suffer from PCOS as well - that's Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, a condition where you do not ovulate regularly if not at all), the first signs of a period is the most welcoming sight. It means we are starting that journey to holding a baby in our arms!

Yes, Week 1. Some of us may have planned for this baby all our lives.  Some of us may have been trying for the longest time, and the signs of period means another session of sitting on the toilet bowl bawling our eyes out as it means our last attempt about 2 weeks ago failed yet again. Yet to some of us, this is just another cycle, life goes on.  For those who are indeed trying for a baby, do start on those folic acid.  Yup, a good time to start preparing for that journey to motherhood by just simply taking enough supply of the good ole folic acid.

If you are planning for your first pregnancy, you probably wouldn't have heard of incompetent cervix yet.  Sadly, you will first hear or it either when you are already on the verge of losing your baby, or you have already lost one. Or two. Or more. Losing a baby is not something I would wish for my greatest enemy, so if it has happened to you, I am sorry.  Truly I am.  If you are on your 1st pregnancy and you read this blog on time, please ask your OBGYN about this condition when you are approaching the end of your 1st trimester. Ask for a cervix length check. Just be aware.  But if you have lost a baby due to this condition before, or if you are trying for a second baby after a successful cerclage previously, there tend to be some apprehension.

Yes, after the last ordeal, perhaps you don't want to try for anymore children.  Whether or not you already had a surviving child or not, you just cannot imagine going through the ordeal again.  I almost lost my No. 1 at 23 and half weeks and was already bleeding blood clots, but my OBGYN performed a TVC (transvaginal cerclage) anyway, and I was on bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy at 38 weeks. Ian is 6 years old today.  And well, many told me that perhaps I should stop there. No more babies. Too much risk.  Too many issues.  Too financially and emotionally straining.  Some gave unwelcomed advice like "You shouldn't exercise when pregnant" (I mean yea, I was hitting the gym 5 times a week 3 hours a day doing kickboxing and step aerobics but that is not the cause of an incompetent cervix!!!) and many thought this is the case where my womb isn't strong, or that I'm simply not a strong enough woman to carry a child.  So at this point, if you are preparing yourself for another pregnancy, just bear in mind that it is yours and your husband's decision. If he is being influenced inadvertently by all those ill informed advice (eventhough may be well meaning) then pull him back and head to your OBGYN's office. Listen to the professional, not the ignorant advice (again, though may be well intended).  YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER BABY.

So, breathe in, take your folic acid, quit smoking and drinking, and prepare your body for next week... the week for intense lovemaking sessions :) :)