WEEK 29 : Week by Week Incompetent Cervix Pregnancy Guide - A BABY SHOWER OR NOT?

NOTE : For the regular advice on Week 29, I suppose there are hundreds of other websites to tell you how it goes. This blog serves to supplement those sites, my personal favourites being What To Expect, Baby Centre UK and Parents. Do take note, however that I am not a professional physician, I practise law for a living and the only thing I know about incompetent cervix is through my own experience as a mother of 2 and a 23 week old baking in the oven! :)  The purpose of this blog then is just to simply share the joys and heartaches, the blessings and curses, the sadness and happiness and the disappointments and the pleasant surprises of our journey as a mom with an incompetent cervix.

Now that we are past viability and in our 3rd trimester (Read Week 28 here), and the reality of finally having this beautiful rainbow in our arms is more imminent, should we finally shoot down the taboo and announce to the whole world about our pregnancy and start stocking up on the baby stuff?  Some of us may want the news of our pregnancy be kept a secret still, maybe because we have suffered losses before and it would be easier to cope if we don't have a load of people asking us about our 'baby' or our 'pregnancy' should we lose this baby too.

Yes, this is one of the emotional upheavel that we have to deal with, which not many may understand.  Many do not understand why we simply refuse to share such good news, or why do we have to make it such a big deal by keeping it such a hush hush.  But oh, who would understand the feeling of renovating and decorating the entire nursery only to come back from the hospital without a living baby?  Or the feeling of shopping for baby booties, rompers, diapers, towels, cute little hats only to have it hung meaninglessly in the closet for many more months to come?  What about those thousands of pictures of your bump and ultrasound scan you uploaded onto your Facebook in the album titled "The New Addition to the Family!"  How are we going to go through that again if it happens yet again? 

One of the Jewish traditions is that we should not even have any items for the baby in the house before baby is born.  For the traditional Chinese belief, the child should not be given a name yet, so go as far as not to even mention the gender of the baby. Friends and relatives should respect those who hold on to this belief and not buy gifts for the unborn baby just yet, or to enquire of the gender.  On the other spectrum, many cultures hold baby showers to celebrate the arrival of the pending newcomer into the family.  Many women take this opportunity to announce their pregnancies, and of course, to distract them from the pains of pregnancy.  Others have more practical reasons, like receiving gifts for the baby before the arrival so that they know what do they already have to avoid duplicity when they shop for their baby.

Whatever beliefs, traditions or superstitions you may hold, you are still very uncertain at this point whether to start piling up on the diapers, and whether to start setting up the crib.  Of course you are.  You baby is still very premature at this point if he or she is born, and with an incompetent cervix, with or without a cerclage, only God knows what will happen tomorrow, or even the next minute.  

For me, with No.1, I didn't know of my condition until after I started dilatting at Week 23.  So of course the whole world knew about my pregnancy, I was hitting the gym 5 times a week 3 hours a day with my bump, and I practically announced to the world the moment the pee stick showed 2 lines.  It was my 1st baby!  But with No. 2, I was more cautious, eventhough I had a strong preventive cerclage in at Week 14.  But I went on with my activities a month after my cerclage placement, so those who noticed... knew about my pregnancy.  No. 3 (my current 23 weeker) is a totally different story.  It is my 3rd stitch, and my cervix has been traumatised over and over, and I am allowed only bathroom and meal privileges - otherwise I'm off my feet. And home.  Alone.  I have only told family and closest friends of my pregnancy, and I do not intend to tell anyone else until the baby is safely in my arms.  I need a lot of positive energy and support, and there is really no need to announce to those who may be snickering behind your backs saying "2 wasn't enough with that condition? or "Didn't she have that cervix thing? No.3? Serious?"  

Whatever you may decide, it truly depends on how you FEEL.  You don't have to feel obliged to anyone to hold a party or to tell them about your pregnancy.  Hold the baby shower at Week 37 after your stitch is out if you want to!